Overbearing parents turn students unruly

Updated on: Thursday, February 09, 2012

Parul Yadav, a homemaker and mother of two, prides herself on being a hands-on mother. While hubby Rajesh rakes in the moolah, Parul ensures that the best is provided to her two teenagers.

“My husband and I make sure that we are tuned into everything our children are up to. From driving them to school and taking them for guitar classes, we ensure that they have all they need. It's important for us to ensure that they don't feel the lack of anything and want only the best for them.” Helicopter parent alert!

A helicopter parent is one who pays extremely close attention to his or her child's experiences or problems, particularly with regards to education.

In a rapidly changing and competitive world, today's parents believe that quickly responding to the needs of their children is an effort required in raising empathetic individuals.

From praising them in a bid to boost self-esteem and goading them on to eat more, hands-on parenting psychologists believe is doing more damage than good. Also known as 'attachment parenting', psychologists are quick to show that such a culture is only producing a generation of children who are increasingly being described as 'impatient, demanding, angry, rude and narcissistic'.

Dr Dheep, a child psychiatrist, believes that while pushing children to excel is one extreme of parenting, hands-on parenting forms the other end of the spectrum.

“Today most parents are raising children who never expect to hear the word 'no'. As a result these kids are demanding, impatient and surprisingly angry. Being your child's best friend is not the right parenting attitude. Keeping an open channel of communication and providing emotional support while being firm is what needs to be practiced,” he says.

Swarnalatha T.N., student counselor at Sir Sivaswami Kalalaya Senior Secondary School, Mylapore, echoes Dr. Dheep's thoughts. Talking about the consequence of attachment parenting in a child's life at school, she says, “A sense of low tolerance creeps in at primary levels itself.

Children in primary classes constantly desire what their peers posses and those in higher classes compare lifestyles.”

Dr Mini Rao, a psychologist and a parent reflects on a recent incident. “I am not a helicopter parent but I certainly am on board with my kids' activities and academics. We enjoy our time together. However, recently their school prevented my younger son from participating in the Sports Day for failing in Hindi.

When such incidents happen I feel one needs to be a hands-on parent for some weeks to lift their spirits. Otherwise they would lose interest in the concept of school. Parents often need to be that balancing factor and only if they are close and friendly can they achieve that.”

Speaking about the flip side where the school can play the balancing force when folks tend to shirk responsibilities, Madhuvanthi Arun, founder and correspondent at Calibre Educational Foundation, “It's an age where both parents are working and they tend to mollycoddle their children out of a sense of guilt over not spending enough time with them.

In such a case the teacher is required to bring a balance in the student's life. For a teacher each student is important. And while she provides them with discipline, she also encourages them to grow equally. However, it is very important for the parent to work in tandem with the teacher.”

Overbearing parents turn students unruly

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